Reckless Beginnings Read online

  After Raymond left, Tammy paced the living room until she finally felt she had the courage to call her father. Summoning all her strength, she marched over to the dining room table, picked up the phone, and dialed his number.

  After five rings, Joanne answered the phone. Subconsciously, Tammy let out a sigh of relief.

  “Hello, Joanne speaking.”

  “Hi, Joanne, it’s Tammy. How are you?”

  “Hey, Tammy, I’m good, how about yourself?”

  “I’m good,” Tammy lied. “Dad called here a few days ago. He mentioned something about immigration and asked if I would call you.”

  “Yes. Apparently, you have an interview with them in about a week and a half. Your father needs to go with you. Hold on a second, let me find the letter and give you the date and time.”

  Tammy heard a clunk as Joanne put down the phone.

  A few minutes later, she came back on the line. Tammy could hear papers being ruffled. “Hi, Tammy, are you still there?”

  “Yes I’m still here.”

  “I have the letter. It states your interview is in ten days at two o’clock in San Francisco. It’s going to take you guys at least three hours to drive there. I’d be here at the house no later than ten in the morning,” Joanne said.

  “Wait. Just Dad and I are going?” Tammy questioned, feeling a rush of panic.

  “Well, yes, Tammy. I have Andrew, so I can’t go.”

  Tammy shuddered at the thought of the grueling three-hour car ride alone with her father. “Well, that’s going to be awkward. I haven’t spoken to him since I moved out. What am I supposed to say? Hi, Dad, I missed you,” she said, sarcastically.

  “Don’t over-think it, Tammy. You’ll be fine. It’s probably just what you guys need, you know, to work things out with each other.”

  “I’m not sure. Dad’s pretty stubborn. I hope you’re right.”

  “I hope I am, too,” Joanne replied, sighing. “Sorry, I have to go. I hear Andrew waking up. We’ll see you next week. Remember, we love you.”

  “Love you, too. Bye,” Tammy said before hanging up the phone.

  Taking Joanne’s advice, Tammy refused to dwell on the trip to San Francisco with her father. Instead, she focused all her energy on the interview and tried to prepare herself for possible questions they may ask. She couldn’t believe that after almost a year of waiting, she may soon be granted a green card. A status that would open the door to many opportunities; learning to drive, getting a job, and buying a car were just a few that came to mind.

  By the morning of the interview, she had all her immigration papers in order, including her passport and visa. She chose to wear a sophisticated black knee-length skirt and a white shirt with black pumps. She wore little makeup and a simple gold chain around her neck with a matching chain around her wrist.

  Having still not spoken to her father, Tammy didn’t want to make matters worse by having Raymond drive her to his house. The thought of them bumping into each other terrified her. So, to avoid any potential confrontations, she thought it would be best to walk there. A fight would be the last thing she needed on such an important day.

  Chapter 21

  The walk to her father’s house started out pleasant. She felt excited but nervous, and spent some much-needed quiet time gathering her thoughts. It was almost springtime with no clouds in the sky, and the air was completely still. Trees were beginning to bud and traces of flowers were already blooming. But, as Tammy neared her father’s house, her mood began to change. Dreading the moment she would be face to face with her father, she felt her heart racing against her chest and her palms were beginning to sweat. Unanswered questions were spinning around in her head. What would she say to him? How was he going to act toward her? Tammy hated to admit it but, at this moment, she felt petrified of her father for the first time.

  As she approached the front door, Tammy took a deep breath and hesitated before knocking. She tapped the door three times and heard Joanne shout from inside. “It’s open.”

  Tammy slowly opened the door, trying to ignore the fact that her palms were so moist they just slid off the handle. Joanne was sitting at the dining room table with a cup of coffee and the newspaper, dressed in a casual navy blue sweat suit. Andrew sat next to her in his high chair eating Cheerios. He smiled at Tammy as she approached them.

  “Hey, Tammy, you look nice. Want some coffee? Your dad is still upstairs.”

  “Sure, that would be great. Thanks,” Tammy said as she took a seat next to Andrew while Joanne scurried off to the kitchen.

  “How have you been?” Joanne asked, returning with coffee in hand.

  Once again, Tammy had to lie. “Good. How about yourself?”

  “Oh, fine. Your dad shouldn’t be too much longer.”

  “I wish you were coming with us, Joanne.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Dad is still mad at me and we haven’t spoken since I moved out. It’s going to be so uncomfortable riding with him in a car for three hours,” Tammy said, shuddering.

  Joanne chose her words carefully. She wanted Tammy to see the positive side of the situation. “Hon, it just might be what the two of you need. You’ll be forced to talk to each other and hopefully work everything out so you can be father and daughter again. Sometimes, when you’re forced into an uncomfortable situation, it makes you face your fears,” Joanne said. She then added some humor in an attempt to lighten the mood. “The problem is, you and your father are too much alike. You’re both stubborn.”

  Tammy managed a half-smile. “I know. It’s just that Dad is so angry, and I don’t know how to deal with him.”

  “Yes, he’s angry, and I can’t say I blame him. But the bottom line is, you’re his daughter, no matter what, and he stills loves you very much.”

  “I know and I love him too. I just don’t know what to say to him.” Tammy paused “Any suggestions?”

  “No, Tammy, I don’t. When the time is right, you’ll know what to say.”

  Hoping for more advice, Tammy was about to drill her with further questions when she heard footsteps descending the stairs. “Shit! He’s coming,” Tammy said in a panic. Suddenly feeling awkward, Tammy stood to greet him, shifting on her feet, unsure of how to stand. Ignoring the sound of her pulse pounding in her ears, she waited in silence for her father to appear.

  He paused at the bottom of the stairs, looking sharp in a gray suit and matching tie with a white shirt and shiny black dress shoes. Saying nothing, he gave Tammy a frigid stare. Feeling herself shrink in size, Tammy was already finding the silence between them unbearable. To avoid his piercing stare, she turned to Andrew for a distraction.

  Her father cleared his throat before speaking—something he has always done when he felt uncomfortable. “Are you ready to go?” he asked in a flat tone.

  “Yes,” Tammy answered.

  * * *

  For the first hour, they rode in silence. The tension between them was intense. Her father looked straight ahead at the road in front, oblivious to her presence. Tammy couldn’t remember a time in her life when she had felt so disquieted. With her arms crossed and her head turned away, she stared out of her window, frozen, afraid to move or speak.

  A feeling of defeat began to creep over Tammy as she realized she might be unable to fix her broken relationship with her father. Then, she remembered what Joanne had said to her; when the time is right, you’ll know what to say. All she wanted was for her father to feel proud of her again. She missed the sparkle in his eyes and his smile when he saw her. She missed asking him for advice. She needed her father and desperately wanted him back in her life more than anything.

  It was like a switch just went off in her head. Tammy finally understood. She said it to herself one more time; she missed having her father in her life more than anything—that was it! Why hadn’t she thought of this before? She needed him much more than she needed Raymond. Tammy realized what she had to do. She knew how to get her father back. It all made sense now
. She didn’t want to think about whether she was doing the right thing or not; she wanted to act on it now before she lost her courage and gave in to her cowardice.

  Smiling, Tammy sat up tall and turned to her father. “Dad, I want to come back home.” She held her breath, anticipating his response.

  To her dismay, he said nothing. Not even a flinch. He just stared at the road ahead.

  “Dad, did you hear me?”

  Rarely did her father show emotion, and she wasn’t expecting anything different now, but she had hoped for something more than silence.

  In his own callous way, not taking his eyes off the road, he finally spoke. “I heard you, Tammy, and I must say I’m pleased to hear you’ve come to your senses at last.” With a slight turn of his head, he flashed a weak smile at her.

  For Tammy, the subtle smile meant the world. She felt triumphant. It broke the barrier and put her at ease in an instant.

  “I’m not going to ask any questions as to why you’ve decided to come home,” he said. “I’m just happy to hear you are.”

  As Tammy predicted, her father was straight to the point. She knew he didn’t need to hear the details of her relationship with Raymond—thank goodness. It was enough for him to know it was now over and they could begin picking up the pieces of their shattered relationship.

  John’s face gradually became alive again with brighter eyes and a placid grin. The tension between them had weakened. Tammy knew she had her father back and, for the first time in a long time, she knew she had made the right decision. As their journey progressed, so did their relationship. Conversations of Tammy’s plans, if granted a green card, were discussed along with her father offering driving lessons and Tammy’s enthusiasm to look for a job. By the time they reached San Francisco, Tammy was feeling more confident about their relationship. As the car came to a halt, she told him she would pack that night and move back home the next day.

  Tammy spent two hours with the immigration officers. A gruelling period of time spent going through various papers and answering a whole host of questions. When did she arrive? Where was she staying? Did she have any children? That question had been a tough one to answer. No wonder it had taken her so long to get an interview, she though, if this is how much time they spent with each person trying to gain entry to the country. With the interrogation finally complete, she was overjoyed when the officer said she was going to be granted a green card. Now she could begin getting her life back in order.

  On the way home, they stopped for dinner at a restaurant and were back in Lonesridge by early evening. Not wanting to risk spoiling her father’s mood by asking him to drop her off at Raymond’s, Tammy made the excuse that she had to go to the market and would be happy to walk home. Before exiting the car, she gave her father a light peck on the cheek. “I love you, Dad.”

  “I love you too, Tammy.”

  The words brought music to her ears. She never wanted to forget how good they made her feel. Right that moment, she promised herself that she would never do anything to jeopardize her precious relationship with her father ever again.

  Chapter 22

  Walking up the silent, darkened driveway toward Raymond’s house, Tammy felt confident in her decision and suffered no guilt about leaving him. After spending the day with her father, she knew she was doing the right thing. Joanne was right—that car ride was just what they’d needed.

  As she approached the front door, she heard the TV blasting from inside. Letting herself in, Tammy found Raymond sitting in the lounge chair drinking a beer and looking overly relaxed watching a western. The smell of pot lingering in the air served as an explanation as to his placid state.

  Hearing the door close, Raymond turned his head and greeted Tammy with a goofy grin—one that is only manageable after smoking marijuana. “Hey, Tammy, how’d it go?”

  After tossing her purse on the table, she took a seat on the couch, lit a cigarette, and inhaled deeply before answering. “It went great. They granted me a green card, so I’m now officially a permanent resident of the United States of America!” she said, smiling.

  In a toast, Raymond held up his beer. “That’s fantastic! Congratulations. Do you want a beer to celebrate?”

  “No thanks.” Stalling for a few seconds, Tammy took another hit off her cigarette. “Raymond, I’ve been thinking. I think it’s best if I move back in with my dad.”

  Tammy waited for his reaction. He didn’t seem upset or look like he wanted to argue with her. He simply nodded in agreement. “Well, if that’s what you want, I can’t stop you.” He took a sip of his beer. “I guess you and your father are okay now?”

  Thankful that Raymond wasn’t making her decision difficult, Tammy felt at ease explaining her reasons for wanting to leave. “For the first hour, we didn’t talk or even make eye contact. It was bloody awful. I hadn’t realized how much I’d hurt him until we were alone in the car together. Seeing nothing but anger and shame in his eyes tore me apart. And then, it just hit me. As soon as I told him I wanted to come back home, we began talking again.” Tammy drained the last of her cigarette and stubbed it out. “We both know it’s over between us. It has been since I lost the baby. It’s the only reason I moved in here, but when I did, it changed everything. It’s just neither one of us wanted to admit it.”

  Without interrupting, Raymond nodded in silence. He knew she was right and admired her for being braver than he would have been if he were in her shoes. He was happy to hear that her and John were now speaking and picking up the pieces, but in the same breath, he knew his friendship with John could never be repaired. For that, he was deeply sorry.

  Showing no hard feelings, Raymond gave Tammy a friendly smile. “You’re right. Things have changed between us. I just didn’t want to admit it. I do have to say, though, I’m going to miss you. I didn’t think I could live with someone, but you proved me wrong. It’s going to be awfully quiet around here.” He took another sip of beer. “When do you plan on leaving?”

  “To avoid any awkward moments, I thought about having Joanne pick me up tomorrow while you’re at work. Is that okay with you?” Tammy asked.

  “That’s fine. I understand. I’m curious, though. Did your father say anything about me while you were with him?”

  “No, he didn’t, and I was afraid to mention your name. I was thrilled when we began talking again and didn’t want to say anything to jeopardize it. I’m sorry our little flings cost you your friendship with my dad. Maybe, over time, you guys will be able to work things out.”

  Raymond shook his head. “I doubt it. I don’t think he could ever look me in the face again without being reminded that I slept with his daughter. To be honest, if I were a father, I’d feel the same way. I could forgive her but not the guy. I’d always blame him for seducing my daughter. I can’t say I blame your dad. He’s acting like any father should.”

  “Do you want me to talk to him?” Tammy asked.

  Her gesture surprised him. “Oh God, no. Just let it be. The damage is already done, but thanks for asking.”

  Tammy left the couch and walked over to her now ex-lover, still sitting in the chair. With a friendly smile, she leaned over and embraced him.

  “No hard feelings?” she asked.

  “None. I’m good. It was just a matter of time until this happened, and I’m fine with it.”

  “Thanks. Me too. I’d better go pack. I want to call Joanne early so I can spend the afternoon looking for a job.”

  “Wow, you’re not messing around, are you?”

  Tammy laughed. “Ha! I’ve been messing around since I got here, but in the wrong way.”

  Raymond chuckled at her joke and watched her as she headed toward the bedroom. No doubt he was going to miss her, but he was going to miss John’s friendship even more. He had always thought very highly of the man and was proud to have called him a friend. Feeling disgraced with himself, he sunk lower into the chair and chugged down the rest of his beer.

  Chapter 23


  It seemed life in the States was finally smoothing out for Tammy after her reckless beginnings with Raymond. It’d been a year since their break up. Having no regrets or remorse, she couldn’t be happier. Still living with her father and Joanne, it felt good to have no secrets and to not have to constantly be telling lies. Raymond was a thing of the past. His name was never mentioned and sadly, her father never rekindled his friendship with him.

  Occasionally, Tammy would bump into Raymond in town; each time with a different woman on his arm. He seemed content to have his old life back. With no hard feelings, they would always take time to say hello and make small talk.

  For Tammy and her father, it was like old times. Their relationship slowly repaired itself. Together, they discussed her plans and her father expressed his desire for her to go to college. Tammy had agreed, but she also confessed she wanted to postpone it for a while so she could look for work. It had been a long time since she had earned an income and she yearned for some independence.

  Within two months of receiving her green card, Tammy had passed her driver’s test. It changed everything for her. Under the condition that she soon buy her own car, Tammy’s father loaned her one of his. Being back on the open road gave Tammy the most freedom she had experienced since arriving in the States.

  Wasting no time, Tammy found a job as a waitress at the local hotel. Her previous experience proved invaluable; it helped her secure the job with ease. She worked the lunch and dinner shifts five days a week. The money she earned was easy to save because she had no rent or bills to pay. So, within six weeks, she had managed to save five-hundred dollars, which she used to buy her first car—a Mercury Zephyr.

  That summer, much to everyone’s surprise, Tammy’s father kept his promise and invited Rose to the States for an all-expenses-paid, two-week visit. Having not seen her mother in almost two years, Tammy cherished every moment.

  Joanne was the perfect host, insisting Rose stay at the house. At first, John had his concerns, but they soon subsided after observing the friendship that flourished between Joanne and his ex-wife. To his delight, everyone got along exceptionally well. During her mother’s visit, Tammy took her on many day excursions, including the Gold Rush town—which stirred up memories of Raymond—San Francisco, and Yosemite.