Reckless Beginnings Read online

  Out of breath, her heart beating fast, she remained still on his lap and rested her head on his shoulder, listening to his heavy breathing slowly subside to a normal pace.

  After a moment of silence, Raymond shifted awkwardly in his seat beneath her. “Oh shit, Tammy, what did we just do?” There was a hint of remorse in his voice.

  “Shhhh, it’s okay. It can be our little secret,” Tammy said as she pulled her skirt back down and tried to get back in her seat.

  “Man, that was intense. I need a friggin’ joint,” Raymond confessed.

  Tammy wrinkled her brow. “You need a what?”

  “A joint…pot…marijuana? Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of pot?” Raymond asked in disbelief while fumbling with his zipper.

  “Nope, never. What is it?” she asked.

  “Oh, Christ, you are so young and naive. I can’t believe I’m telling you this. It’s like a cigarette, but it makes you feel good and relaxed. It calms you. I don’t know how else to describe it. But it’s what I need right now.”

  Intrigued by what he’d just described, Tammy was anxious to try it. “That sounds great! I’d love to try some. Where is it? Let’s smoke some now.”

  Amused by her innocence, Raymond chuckled. “I don’t carry it on me, it’s illegal. It’s known as a drug and I only smoke it at home. It’s not like cocaine or anything but it’s still illegal.”

  Tammy was horrified. “It’s a drug?” She had heard about drugs and how addictive they could be, but she’d never known anyone that used them.

  “It’s not as bad as it sounds. Let’s go back to my place. I really do need one after what just happened. If you want to try it, that’s up to you, but don’t feel you have to,” he told her as he straightened out his jeans and started up the car.

  “Okay, we’ll see,” Tammy replied with an innocent smile.

  Chapter 13

  Fifteen minutes later, they were pulling into Raymond’s long driveway, which was shaded by trees and bushes on either side. Tucked away from the street was his single-level duplex. Tammy was relieved to see he lived across town from her father’s house and not close by.

  During the drive, Raymond told her he was the property manager for the three duplexes in the building. In return, he got free rent. A young couple lived below him, and a single guy lived in the duplex behind him.

  Once the truck was in park, Tammy picked her purse up from the floor, exited the car, and joined Raymond at the double glass doors where she found him fumbling with his keys. She chuckled at his nervousness and waited patiently while he struggled to open the door.

  Once inside, she set her purse down on the long wooden table that separated the kitchen from the living room. Scattered across it were numerous coffee cups partially filled with stale coffee, a dirty ashtray, and a couple of empty soda cans. In the center was what Tammy assumed was Raymond’s work area, consisting of building plans, a desk calculator, pens, and numerous business cards.

  The off-white walls were in desperate need of a paint job, and the musty brown carpet with a few coffee stains had seen better days, too. Pictures of wildlife and outdoor scenes hung at random intervals on the walls. Both sides of the room had floor to ceiling windows, spanning the full length of the room. A faded beige couch sat in front of one window, while the other windows looked out onto a deck, with views across the main highway into Lonesridge. The focal point of the room was a red-brick fireplace; a TV and an old comfy-looking chair with worn-out tanned cushions were placed to its right.

  Tammy quickly scanned the room before checking out the rest of the duplex while Raymond listened to his messages on the answering machine.

  Walking through the main room and adjoining kitchen, she passed an office on the left and a bathroom on the right. At the end of the hallway was a dingy master bedroom. Chocolate-brown curtains were drawn closed, preventing natural sunlight from entering the dark space. She flicked the light switch on and saw it was a simple room with an unmade king-size bed against the back wall, which had oversized wooden tables on either side of it. A matching dresser and mirror sat across from the bed, disarrayed with loose change, odd socks, papers, and a variety of keys. The dirty laundry scattered on the floor amused her. Typical man, she thought.

  When Tammy returned to the living room, she found Raymond sitting at the table talking business on the phone. She walked behind him, crossed her arms over his chest, and began nibbling on his ear. Unsuccessfully, he tried to brush her off while she quietly giggled behind him.

  The odor of the cigarette smoldering in the ashtray next to him caught her attention. Now craving a cigarette herself, she released her hold on Raymond and grabbed his pack of Marlboro Reds sitting on the table, along with his yellow lighter. She left him to finish his work and made herself comfortable on the couch. Picking up the glass ashtray from the coffee table, she then lit the cigarette, inhaled deeply, and leaned back to savor the moment.

  Raymond eventually ended his conversation and hung up the phone. Without saying a word, he disappeared into the kitchen and returned a few minutes later with a mason jar and a sheet of newspaper. He sat himself in the comfy chair, placed the newspaper on his knees, and twisted the lid off the jar.

  “What’s that?” Tammy asked, stubbing out her cigarette.

  He smiled, held the jar up to the light and said, “This, my dear, is pot.”

  Intrigued, Tammy left the couch and knelt in front of him before leaning her arms on his knees to take a closer look. The jar was filled with light-green flakes of what looked like crumbled leaves. It reminded her of sage. She watched closely as he took a few pinches of the pot and placed it on the newspaper. From his top pocket, he took a pack of thin papers, pulled one out, and held it between his fingers.

  “What are you doing?” Tammy asked.

  “Making a joint.”

  With fascination, she continued to observe the process as he picked up pinches of the pot and sprinkled it evenly along the center of the paper. When he was finished, he moistened the edge with his lips, rolled it up like a cigarette and sealed it.

  “Wow! That’s cool. Can I try some?”

  “Yeah, but not too much. Don’t forget, I’ve got to take you home later!” he said, smiling and pointing at her accusingly. “Let me show you how to smoke it. It’s not like a cigarette. Watch me.”

  Tammy watched closely as he lit the end of the joint and inhaled deeply. “After you’ve taken a hit, hold your breath for a couple of seconds,” Raymond instructed with a tight voice, indicating the smoke was still in his lungs. Then, he slowly exhaled while passing her the joint.

  “Okay,” she said, looking at the strange cigarette-like object between her fingers. She held it up to her nose and sniffed. “I love the way it smells,” she said, wafting the scent into her nostrils like she’d just found a new favorite perfume. With a last curious glance at the joint, she slowly raised it to her lips, sucked a tentative drag, and inhaled deeply. Per Raymond’s instructions, she held her breath.

  Noticing the reddish tinge appearing on Tammy’s puffed-out cheeks, Raymond said, laughing, “Okay, okay, you can let it out now! I only said a couple of seconds!”

  After exhaling, she began to cough uncontrollably. “My god! That stuff is harsh,” Tammy said, gasping for air.

  “Don’t worry. You’ll get used to it,” he said as she took another hit.

  Tammy scowled at him in confusion. “I don’t feel any different. What’s supposed to happen?”

  Raymond took the joint from her and finished it. “Give it a few minutes.”

  He was right. Shortly after, she began to feel the effects of the drug. Paranoia consumed her first. Feeling inexplicably fearful, she didn’t like the sudden onset of insecure, unsettling emotions she was experiencing. Afraid to move or stand, she sat motionless on the floor, her knees up high under her chin, her legs locked in her arms.

  She wanted to ask Raymond when would it end but was unable to speak, afraid her words would sound jumbled
and not make any sense. Losing all her self-confidence and the ability to perform simple tasks, she yearned to feel normal again. Why do people enjoy smoking this stuff when it makes you feel so awful? Tammy decided she’d had enough. Feeling scared, she secretly made a promise to herself. If I make it through this alive, I promise I will never smoke pot again.

  Next came the remorse and guilt. Knowing she was smoking an illegal drug, and therefore committing a crime, stunned her to the core. The notion that she may be caught and thrown in jail threw her head into a petrifying tailspin of horrific thoughts. Feeling ashamed, she wondered how she would ever face her father again. Still frozen by the drug, she kept reminding herself it would be over soon and everything would return to normal.

  Slowly, after what seemed like an eternity, things were beginning to make more sense. Feeling more grounded thrilled her. She was able to move her arms and legs without fear and no longer felt threatened or scared. She felt like a warrior; triumph and victory had replaced her fears. She had preserved and beat the drug. She had won!

  She turned her body to face Raymond and propped herself up on her knees. Feeling confident and strangely aroused, she leaned in and kissed him passionately on the lips. Then, it happened—triggered by the kiss—every nerve in her body exploded. She surrendered herself entirely to him. Her sexual energy and appetite was beyond anything she had ever experienced.

  For a few moments, they caressed each other with force and hunger, but it wasn’t enough. Within minutes, she lay naked on the floor, smothered by his sweat and scent, pinned by the weight of his body. “I want you,” she whispered in his ear. Hastily and with dynamic energy, Raymond thrust himself into her. Tammy released a loud, satisfying moan. Molded together as one, limbs intertwined, they quickly peaked and climaxed at the same time. But neither wanted it to end; they still had an appetite for more.

  Tammy was now loving the drug and beginning to understand why people smoked it. She realized, now she’d worked her way through all the bullshit, that the resulting feeling was amazing. She didn’t want it to end.

  For the next couple of hours, they fondled, played, and explored every inch of each other’s bodies. Tammy had lost count of the number of orgasms she’d had. She just knew she was feeling incredible. “Wow!” Tammy said breathlessly while lying naked in Raymond’s arms, trying to recuperate from yet another sensational climax. “That was amazing! Now I see why you like to smoke pot,” she said, trying to contain a fit of giggles.

  “It does have its advantages,” Raymond chuckled. “God, Tammy. Your father can never find out about us. He would friggin’ kill me,” he added in a more serious tone.

  “Does my dad know you smoke pot?”

  “No, he doesn’t. I guess there’s a lot your father doesn’t know about me.”

  “Well, Joanne seems to think you’re a ladies’ man. She told me you have a different woman every month. So, am I the flavor of the month?” Tammy teased.

  “Oh, she does, does she? I didn’t know she was paying that much attention to my love life. And no, silly, you’re not the flavor of the month.” Again, Raymond turned serious. “But we do have to be careful. We can’t let anybody find out about us. Do you understand?”

  Tammy sat up on her knees and faced him. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. I promise.” She gave him a quick peck on his cheek and rose to her feet. “Now, come on. Let’s get dressed so you can take me home.”

  Chapter 14

  Over the next three months, Tammy and Raymond continued with their secret affair. Neither one dared to tell her father of their flourishing relationship, fearing his predictable, angered reaction would destroy all existing friendships.

  Whenever Joanne didn’t need Tammy’s help, she would joyously skip the fifteen minutes across town to Raymond’s place. He was always happy to see her. Never failing to greet her with a passionate embrace and a smile that warmed Tammy’s heart. They cherished their secret afternoons together, never knowing when the next one would be.

  Their meeting place was always at his home, never venturing out, afraid they may be seen by someone who knew her father. They made the most of their time together by drinking wine, smoking pot, and making love three or four times in an afternoon. They laughed and giggled like high school kids. For the first time since moving to the States, she was finally having some fun.

  But, a few days later, the fun came to a sudden halt. Tammy was facing a nightmare. “This can’t be happening,” Tammy cried out loud. She had bought three different brands and each one showed the same result. After lining them up on the bathroom counter, all of them revealed a pink “plus” sign. All three pluses jumped out at her from the thin plastic tubes—they may as well have been flashing neon signs—telling Tammy she was pregnant.

  Feeling like she was going to faint, Tammy collapsed onto the seat of the toilet like a discarded rag doll. “Oh my god, how did this happen?” she whispered to herself. Of course, she knew how it happened, but she was on the pill and took one every morning. Then again, there was that one morning. It was about six weeks ago; Andrew fell, right before she was about to take it. She’d heard him scream from the living room and raced in to find he’d fallen into the coffee table. Joanne had got to him before she did.

  The cut above his eye was deep so, fearing he may need stitches, they stopped whatever they were doing and rushed him to the hospital. In all the commotion, she’d forgotten to take her pill and didn’t realize her error until the next morning when she saw she’d missed one. She took two that day to try and compensate, but it hadn’t helped—obviously.

  After having the three required stitches and returning from the hospital, Andrew slept most of the day, so Tammy had taken advantage and visited Raymond. She remembered they’d definitely had sex that afternoon, more than once. And now, here she was, eighteen and pregnant with his baby. She was too young to be having a child. She wasn’t ready for this. She was just having some fun; it was never meant to be anything serious. What was she going to do? She had to tell him. How would he react to becoming a father?

  She gasped out loud when she thought about her own father. Tammy knew she could never tell him, but how was she going to hide the pregnancy? The only person she could talk to was Raymond. She had no other friends. Feeling scared and completely alone, her mind raced a mile a minute with endless questions, to which she had no answers.

  It’d been over six months since she arrived in the States. This was not how it was supposed to be. She came here on a mission to find Donna but was feeling deflated with nothing to go on and no new leads. Frustrations were at their peak. She had expected to have her independence, a car, a job, and a place to call her own by now. Tammy never imagined she would still be living with her father. But she didn’t have a choice. She was still waiting for that damn green card. Without that, she couldn’t work or drive. Now she found herself pregnant by her father’s friend. Oh, what a mess her life had become.

  Worried about her future, Tammy cradled her head in her arms and began to sob. Subconsciously, she rubbed her stomach, thinking of the tiny life growing inside of her. She had to think fast and decide what she was going to do. She needed to tell Raymond as soon as possible and ask his advice. They were in this together whether he liked it or not.

  Tammy immediately knew an abortion was out of the question. The thought petrified her on so many levels. Adoption was not an option either. Never could she carry a child inside of her, feeling it grow and move, only to hand it over to complete strangers to raise as their own. No. Having this child was the only choice she had. Raymond would either support her or not. Tammy would just have to wait and see; either way, she was going to have this baby.

  She realized, sadly, she could no longer live under her father’s roof while pregnant with Raymond’s child. She wasn’t ready to tell him anything just yet, but when she did, the tension would become unbearable. Her only choice was to move in with Raymond.

  Predicting her father’s rage when the time c
ame to tell him she was moving in with Raymond, Tammy decided to hide the pregnancy from him for a while. Or at least until things had calmed down. Tammy could foresee her father feeling betrayed by Raymond, and probably her, too. She hated the thought of causing him pain. Over time, she hoped her father could forgive them and accept the child she was now carrying as his first and only grandchild. Suddenly, a loud knock at the door snapped her out of her thoughts.

  “Hey, Tammy. Are you okay? You’ve been in there for a while. I need you to watch Andrew while I run to the store to get some milk,” Joanne said from the other side of the door.

  Startled by the intrusion, Tammy jumped up from the toilet seat in a panic and began scraping together all the pregnancy tests and packages that were spread across the counter. “Yes, I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute,” she replied.

  Tammy stared at the empty boxes, wondering where she could hide them. She had an idea. Bending down quickly, she opened the cupboard doors beneath the sink and grabbed the trash bag liner from the bin. She stuffed it with the rubbish she had accumulated and then tied the top into a knot. Placing the sealed bag on the counter momentarily, she checked herself in the mirror. Her eyes were reddish and she looked as white as a sheet, but all things considered, she didn’t look too bad.

  She splashed her face with cold water, applied some lipstick, and gave her hair a quick brush while trying to pull herself together. Satisfied with her appearance, she picked up the trash bag and slowly opened the door. Quietly, she peeked her head out and scanned the corridor left and right. Joanne was not in sight. Letting out a sigh of relief, she scurried to her room and stuffed the bag under her bed. She would deal with it later.

  Feeling slightly more composed, she headed to the dining room, where she found Joanne sitting at the table bouncing Andrew on her knee. He was happily feasting on a cracker while spreading crumbs all over Joanne’s lap.

  Joanne stood up and handed Andrew over. “Thanks, Tammy. I won’t be long,” she said, brushing cracker flakes off her pants.