Reckless Beginnings Read online

  “No problem. I’ll read him some books while you’re gone.”

  As soon as Tammy heard the back door close, with Andrew still in her arms, she ran over to the kitchen window and looked out. From the window, she could see the garage clearly. The tail lights came on and she heard the engine running. She watched and waited. A few minutes later, she saw Joanne back out of the garage and drive down the road into town.

  Satisfied that the coast was clear, she quickly ran into her bedroom and gently placed Andrew on the bed while she knelt underneath and grabbed the trash bag. With her other hand, she scooped Andrew into her arm, resting him on her hip, and ran through the house to the back door.

  She hurried down the steps to the metal trash cans lined up against the house. Removing the lid from the first one, she buried her bag of secrets among the others and replaced the lid. “Phew. That’s done,” she said, feeling relieved. She turned to her brother and held her finger up to her mouth, nuzzling his face with her nose as she whispered, “Shhh, it’s our little secret. Okay?”

  Andrew simply chuckled and smiled, apparently approving of the new game.

  Feeling confident that the bag wouldn’t be found, Tammy returned inside to read to Andrew.

  Chapter 15

  That night, unable to sleep, Tammy tossed and turned with endless thoughts about how her life had changed forever. Not only had she let herself down but also her father too. She dreaded seeing the disappointment on his face when she broke the news to him about her relationship with Raymond.

  Ever since she was a child, his approval and praises have always been important to her. She yearned to see the pride in his eyes and smile. Like her father, Tammy had high hopes of going to college. The dream was now crushed due to her pregnancy. Disgusted with how her life was turning out and mortified that she was pregnant, she felt herself spiraling into a depressive state. She had no choice but to accept the new version of her life and the consequences it would bring regarding the relationship with her father.

  With no sleep and her emotions in turmoil, Tammy was determined to see Raymond early in the morning and break the news to him about the baby. His possible reaction feared her. She wasn’t expecting him to be thrilled.

  The next morning, Tammy dressed herself in jeans and a long-sleeved white cotton shirt, applied a little makeup, and brushed her hair. Not wanting to join Joanne for their usual morning cup of coffee and small talk, she needed to think of a reasonable excuse to leave early.

  As predicted, Joanne was already sitting at the table reading the newspaper. She looked up when Tammy entered the room. “Hi, coffee is ready,” she said with a smile.

  Tammy stood nervously, fidgeting with her fingers. “Thanks, but I’m actually just on my way out.”

  “It’s only nine o’clock,” Joanne replied after glancing at her watch with a puzzled expression. “Where are you off to so early?”

  Tammy thought quickly and blurted out the first thing that popped into her head. “I’m off to the library.”

  Annoyed with her lame excuse and anticipating the questions that would be likely to follow from Joanne—like why she needed to go to the library when they had so many books of their own—Tammy stalled. But, surprisingly, and thankfully, Joanne simply nodded and smiled.

  She was tired of lying, especially to those close to her. The secret love affair she had with Raymond only existed because of her lies. It was the only way she could see him. At least if she moved in with Raymond, the lies would stop.

  Relieved to be standing on the front porch with the door shut behind her, Tammy closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, feeling the cool, crisp air tingling her face. Bracing herself for the upcoming talk with Raymond, she found her confidence and began her walk.

  Fifteen minutes later, she was knocking on his front door. With no answer, she tried the doorknob and found it unlocked, meaning he was home. Letting herself in, she heard the shower running from the bathroom. She peeked down the hallway and saw the bathroom door was slightly ajar. Clouds of steam from the shower hovered up high around the light. She chuckled while she listened to him bellowing the popular song “Yellow Submarine.” He sounded happy.

  Tammy wondered if she was about to spoil his joyful mood. Or might she possibly enhance it? Remembering why she was there, a feeling of nausea crept over her, so she decided to wait for him outside on the deck to get some much-needed fresh air. A place where she could also contemplate how she was going to tell him the news of their child.

  Sitting in the oversized wooden deck chair and smoking a cigarette, Tammy was lost in her thoughts. A tap at the window brought her back to reality. She turned to see Raymond looking out of the window, dressed in a blue bathrobe with a white towel draped around his neck. With a smile, he motioned for her to come inside.

  Tammy forced herself to return the smile, stubbed out her cigarette, and left the deck to join him. Embracing her in his arms, Raymond gave her a light kiss on the cheek.

  “What a pleasant surprise. Do you want some coffee?” he asked.

  “Sure, that would be great. Thanks.”

  Raymond walked over to the kitchen and poured two cups of coffee while Tammy took a seat on the couch. Wondering how the hell she was going to tell him, she tried to make herself comfortable for the upcoming confession.

  With two cups in one hand, Raymond took a seat next to Tammy and placed one of the mugs in front of her on the coffee table. “I thought I wasn’t going to see you until tomorrow afternoon?” he asked before taking a sip of coffee.

  Deciding not to beat around the bush and just tell him, Tammy ignored his question and dove right in. “Raymond, we have to talk.”

  Anticipating bad news and in fear of spilling his coffee, Raymond returned his mug to the table. “Okay, I’m listening. What’s up?”

  Before Tammy could reply, Raymond’s body stiffened and his eyes opened wide with fear as he gasped. Thinking he had already guessed what she was about to tell him, Tammy nervously waited for his reaction. Sounding desperate, he grabbed her arm. “Don’t tell me John knows about us. Please, don’t tell me that!”

  Tammy sighed, disappointed she’d still have to break the news. “No, that’s not it. But he’s about to find out.”

  Raymond began to panic and tightened the grip on her arm. “What do you mean? Who knows about us?”

  “No one knows.” Tammy took a long, deep breath to brace herself. “Raymond, there’s no easy way to say this so I’m just going to come out and say it, okay? I’m pregnant.” She sat in silence, watching every minute detail of his expression, waiting for him to say something. Anything.

  He pulled his hand away from her arm and let his body flop back against the couch. With a look of hopelessness, he simply stared straight ahead, stunned by the news. He said nothing.

  After a few moments of silence, she nudged his knee with her hand.

  “Raymond. Please say something.”

  Without reaching out to her or offering any kind of comfort, he finally spoke. “How did this happen? I thought you were on the pill.”

  “Well, yes, I am on the pill, but I missed one about six weeks ago. I tried to double up the next morning, but it obviously didn’t help because…well, because I’m now pregnant.”

  “Can you get pregnant by missing one pill?” Raymond asked, looking puzzled.

  “It sure looks like it, doesn’t it?”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure. I brought three different tests and they all came up positive. What are we going to do?” Tammy asked, trying to hold back the tears. Seeking some kind of reassurance or support from the father of her unborn child, she reached for his hand. He simply brushed it away without saying another word.

  Raymond stood and began pacing the room with both hands buried in his bathrobe pockets. “Let me think for a minute,” he snapped, rubbing his forehead with the towel still draped around his neck. In an angered state, he began rummaging around and looking under papers on the di
ning room table, tossing them to the side by the handful.

  “What are you looking for?” Tammy asked.

  Raymond snapped again, “Where are my fucking cigarettes?”

  “Here, have one of mine,” Tammy quickly said, trying to calm him down.

  Reaching into her purse, craving a cigarette herself, she pulled out two and lit them both. She walked over to Raymond and handed him one. He took it from her with a hint of gratitude and sat at the table, pulling deeply on his smoke.

  Tammy turned a chair to face him and slid into it with apprehension. Wanting to be closer to Raymond, she placed both her hands on his knees and leaned forward. “Before you do too much thinking, I should tell you that I’ve already decided I’m keeping the baby.”

  If he tried to hide his feelings of shock, it didn’t work. Raymond’s questions fired out in one long breath. “You are? But what about your dad? Do you honestly think he’s going to accept a grandchild fathered by his friend who happens to be old enough to be his daughter’s father? What do you think he’s going to say about all this?” Raymond raised his voice a notch. “Come on, Tammy! There’s no way! Admit it, we fucked up,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief.

  Tammy met his tone. “This isn’t about my father anymore. This is about me and the baby—our baby. I’m tired of trying to please him all the time. Of course he’s not going to like the fact that I’m pregnant by you. It’s not like I plan on telling him anytime soon. I’ll be able to hide the pregnancy for a while. If you want nothing to do with me or the baby, that’s fine, I understand.” Tammy added a hint of sarcasm to her tone. “After all, you have a reputation in town to keep. I wouldn’t want to embarrass you.”

  The fact that he was more concerned about her father’s reaction angered her, but she still felt compelled to tell him her plan. “I’ve decided I’m going to have to move out of my father’s house. There’s no way I can stay there and have this child.”

  “And what do you plan on telling him?” Raymond asked.

  “Well, I was hoping I could move in with you. In all honesty, I’m disappointed that you haven’t asked me yet. I’m willing to tell my dad we’re seeing each other and suffer the consequences. He’ll probably be angry for a while, but give him some time and I’m sure he’ll get over it. Living here with you, I’ll be able to hide the pregnancy for a few months and give my dad some space to eventually accept us a couple.”

  “You’ve given this some serious thought, haven’t you?” Seeming calmer, he touched her for the first time since hearing the news. Leaning in toward her, he took her hands and held them tightly under his chin before kissing her lightly on the forehead.

  Tammy let out a huge sigh of relief. The kiss, no matter how small, meant so much to her at that moment. It told her he cared. “I really don’t know what else to do. Do you have any ideas?” Tammy asked. Feeling she needed to remind him, she quickly added, “I won’t have an abortion or give up the baby for adoption. I’ll tell you that right now.”

  “I would never ask you to do that unless you wanted to. It seems your mind is made up. I guess I’m going to have to get use to the idea that I’m going to be a father. I’ve never imagined myself as one. Especially not now, at my age.”

  Raymond rested his arms on Tammy’s shoulders and locked his hands behind her neck. Looking deep into her eyes, he unknowingly told her exactly what she had wanted, needed to hear. “Tammy, we’re in this together. I’m on your side and I agree with you. Yes, I think it’s a good idea that you come live here with me. But I must confess, it’s going to be quite an adjustment for me. I’ve lived alone all my life. Your father, on the other hand, won’t be okay with any of this. But, like you said, this is no longer about him. It’s about us and the baby.”

  Listening to him speak, especially when he used the word “us,” brought tears to her eyes. As they trickled down her cheeks, Raymond softly wiped them away with his thumb. Tammy spoke, using a softer voice. “Thank you for being here with me…for me. It means a lot.”

  She wiped her moist cheeks with one of her hands and kissed Raymond softly on the lips. Caught up in the moment and stirred by the feeling of his tender lips on hers, she said “I love you” for the very first time. Not sure if she truly meant those three little words, Tammy remained silent, anticipating Raymond’s response.

  He didn’t acknowledge her confession. “It’s okay,” he said, wiping a loose strand of hair away from her eyes. “Have you thought about when you want to tell your father?”

  Giving herself some more time to think about the answer, Tammy walked over to her purse and pulled out two more cigarettes before lighting them and returning to the table. She handed one to Raymond, which he gratefully accepted. “Joanne is a lot easier to talk to than my dad. Maybe I should talk to her first. Honestly, my dad scares me. She’ll probably give me some good advice on how to approach him. What do you think?”

  Raymond didn’t know what to say. The only thing he could do was to agree with her. “Sounds like a good idea to me.”

  Tammy continued with her plan. “I think it’s best I do this on my own. No offense, but I’m sure they won’t want to see you for a while.”

  Relieved at knowing he wouldn’t have to face John, Raymond agreed without so much as a second thought, just in case she changed her mind. “I’m the last person your father will want to see. Once you tell him, our friendship will be destroyed forever.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. Collateral damage, I guess.” Not wanting to dwell on that particular subject, Tammy added to her plans. “So, I’m going to talk to Joanne as soon as I get home. Hopefully, my dad will still be at the office. I want to get this over with as soon as possible and get out of there. I know, once I tell them, I’ll have to leave right away. It’ll just be too unbearable to stay any longer.” She took his hand and squeezed it hard. “I know we can make this work, Raymond. I know I can’t get a job right now, but I can help you manage the duplexes here and—”

  Raymond raised his arm, interrupting her. “Whoa, slow down, girl, one step at a time. Let’s get through the hardest part first, which is telling your dad and moving you in here, before we start making any more plans. Okay?”

  “Yes, okay. You’re right. You’re right. I’m getting ahead of myself. Sorry.” She feigned a slap across her wrist and laughed nervously. “Oh no! I just had a thought.”

  “What?” he asked, suddenly looking worried.

  “How am I going to get my things over here? My dad sure as hell won’t help me and I can’t ask Joanne.” She paused, letting the realization sink in. “Oh jeez, you’re going to have to come get me.”

  “Me!”

  “Yes, you. I don’t know anyone else.” Seeing the look of horror on his face, Tammy tried to reassure him. “You won’t have to come in the house. You can just wait in the truck.”

  Raymond became panicked again. “Oh, Jesus Christ! This is getting harder by the minute.” In a flustered state, he stood and began pacing the room. He stopped in mid-stride and turned and faced Tammy. “You’re just going to have to leave when John isn’t home. If he knew I was waiting outside, he’d come out and most probably kill me!” He walked back to the table, stubbed out his cigarette and immediately lit another one from a pack he found among the piles on the table.

  “Good idea! I’m going to have to call you when it’s time for you to come pick me up. God, I’m dreading this. I can’t wait till I’m here with you and all this is behind us.”

  Seeking comfort, Tammy left her chair and walked over to Raymond. He welcomed her into his arms and held her tight. Fearing what lay ahead, neither of them wanted to let go. With eyes closed, they stood in silence, holding each other for some time until Tammy forced herself to back away, knowing she had to leave and face the music.

  “I’d better go,” she said as she began searching for her purse, which she found by the couch and slung over her shoulder. “Oh! I’ve just remembered I need to stop at the library.”

  �
�The library? You’re thinking about reading books at a time like this? Can’t it wait until you’ve moved out?”

  “No, it’s not that,” Tammy laughed. “I’m covering up another lie. It’s a long story, and I need to get going. Listen, I’ll call you later and tell you how it went, okay?” She paused. “Wish me luck.”

  At the door, Raymond held her in his arms once more and kissed her gently on the lips. He couldn’t help but think about the volcano that was about to erupt as he watched her walk down the driveway. Before long, she’d be on her way to his soon-to-be-loathed-by dear friends, John and Joanne. No longer will he be welcome in their home. News of his relationship with his daughter would soon spread throughout the town. Fearing the locals’ reaction, he knew without a doubt that his relationship with Tammy was going to cost him many more friendships.

  His life was about to change forever. He was going to be a father, but not by choice. He only agreed to Tammy moving in with him because it was the right thing to do. In his entire life, he had never lived with a woman. The idea of sharing his world and his private space didn’t appeal to him in the slightest. Joanne was right. He was a player. Having a serious relationship—or worse, marriage—scared the hell out of him.

  Wondering what he had gotten himself into, he didn’t know if he could do it. Raymond questioned why she declined the option to have an abortion. It certainly would have prevented this whole mess. Feeling trapped and pushed into a corner against his will, he couldn’t help but feel this was the biggest fuck-up of his life.

  Tammy turned and waved one last time as she disappeared from the end of the driveway into the street. He unconsciously waved back, forced a smile, and returned inside to wait for her call.

  Chapter 16

  In no hurry to return home, Tammy spent the afternoon wandering aimlessly around the town, mainly contemplating how she was going to break the news to Joanne. She shuddered at the thought of her likely reaction. After procrastinating for a few hours, she finally found the courage to head home. Once on the front porch, she took a deep breath to calm her rattled nerves before opening the door.